i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
