the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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