dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
