Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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