i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its not stalking. its research.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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