dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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