he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
