i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
