y did u give ur computer a hand job?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
