dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
