you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
