I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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