So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
