I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
