i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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