he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
