so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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