I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
