As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
