if only i could text you this smell
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
