Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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