Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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