you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The adults are the big ones right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
