Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
