she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
