Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
