Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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