Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Randomize
