I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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