Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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