I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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