Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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