He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
