Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
