fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
pray to the hookup gods
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
