I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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