He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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