When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
