I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
