Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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