you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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