i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
