Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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