Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
