Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
