Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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