Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
