The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
