Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
