Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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