It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
